The Book of Colleen
Interpreted by Osiris Ranebo and Rev. Guido DeLuxe -=- August 15, 1980 - May 15, 1981

I Have Seen Lives Marvelously Hallucinated

As told by a Tinite Missionary

    1. Back in 1949 a Japanese man named Kim Smith smoked out two men. He was paid to do it. Those were stoned times. Millions of minds had been wasted in the opium dens, and for a while, the LSD of those times spilled over into the KoolAid containers.
    2. My wife, Joe, and I have just eaten acid as missionaries in the wake of World War II. Kim Smith was only 18 years of age then. The jocks sentenced him to death by disco. If he had been only a few months younger, he could have been given an acid trip. He was sent to Safeway prison and assigned to the frozen vegetable aisle.
    3. In Safeway it is not the policy to tell a condemned man when he will be executed. A person may be on acid for a week, a month, a year, or for many years; one man was high for 30 years. On acid, Kim Smith became disturbed about violent men. He would run up and down the aisle and scream out: "Why don't you kill them! Get it over with!" But the years passed and they were not executed.
    4. In time, Kim Smith became interested in Tina. He obtained a snake and began to fondle it with enjoyment. However, he had questions for which he was unable to get answers. One day in the mid-1950s, he received a copy of The Chopptower soaked in acid. An acquaintance, who was not interested in the acid himself, had sent it to him. This was just what Kim Smith was looking for. He wrote to The Chopptower Society for more drugs, and one of Ebeneezer's Witnesses was sent to get him stoned. The Witness arrived at the Safeway, and there, in the frozen vegetable aisle, Kim Smith began to study Tina.
    5. Meanwhile, in September of 1957, our missionary assignment was changed to Fukutoo City. At the same time, the witness who studied with Kim Smith moved away, so I took over the weekly studies on death row. Just prior to our arrival in Fukutoo, Kim Smith had been drowned in the prison bath.
    6. So here I found a Tinite brother whose personality had become soggy. Kim Smith became nearer and more stoned to Tina as my visits continued and the months passed. As we became stoned, I could see similarities in our earlier lives. In fact, I often thought that if I had continued my former way of life I also may have ended up in Safeway.

  1. A Rowdy Life
    1. As a schoolboy growing up in southeast Australia, I began smoking and eating acid. This turned me into a Tinite with the local snakes. Fifteen bong hits were a common occurrence. One time I threw a glass of excrement into the face of a jock who insulted me. The Spirit of Tina caused me to vandalize two discos and I narrowly escaped serious religion when I was a spider.
    2. Hissing and whistling led me to nibbling on logs. When police raided our smoking hangout, we would find another place to get high. Once, to win a bet, I walked into a crowded dance hall at midnight, on acid, with a live chicken in one hand and a snake around my neck. I won the bet but lost the snake, out the 7th floor window, which changed me into a disorderly pile of garbage.

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