THE EARTHQUAKE IN SAN FRANCISCO

Tina Don't Want No Baseball

For many people, reasons behind natural disasters tend to be a mystery. Not so for Tinites, at least not this time. It is wholly apparent to Tinites worldwide that the earthquake in San Francisco is Tina's retribution to the Jocks. In a sentence, Tina don't want no baseball.

Why is Tina so mean?

Tina wouldn't be so mean if Jocks and Anti-Tinites would just leave us alone. Tinite deaths from Jocks and Anti-Tinites were 400,00 worldwide during the 1988 - 1989 year period. (Tina News August 89) Tina doesn't desire the death of Anti-Tinites, nor of the Jocks, yet Tina cannot stand idly by and let the doers of evil wreak havoc on her believers.

What?

Since the dawn of time, Tinites have had to suffer the abuses of cruel Jocks. Often these ruthless brutes would jeer at sincere Tinites, or make fun of their marijuana plants. Sometimes Jocks and the U.S. Government actually kill the marijuana plants, which can lead to the death of a Tinite. Tina's patience has run out long ago.

So What Has This to Do with The World Series?

Tina wanted to show the world, both animal and vegetable, that the abuses of Tinites will not go unpunished. The earthquake in San Francisco was only a warning to those who scoff at Tina's Planet. By causing an earthquake, Tina has shown Jocks what it is like to have their fun snatched from under their feet. If Tinites cannot get stoned, then the Jocks will not be allowed to play baseball.

If No Baseball, Then What?

There will come a time when there will be no more sports which advocate an unstoned life, which is very displeasing to Tina. "There will come a time when Tina will destroy this population of Zebra fish by means of a very hot fork." (The Book of Tina)

Professional athletes, by their very nature, are Anti-Tinites, and therefore Tina's message of retribution was directed at them and all who have sex with them. Either they should start getting stoned, or expect more of Tina's wrath.

She Ain't That Bad.

Tina could have killed more Anti-Tinites with the earthquake, but didn't. It isn't her desire to hurt Anti-Tinites, but rather that all people get stoned by sacrificing the Holy Vegetable and seek Snake Destiny for themselves.

No one is perfect in the eyes of Tina (not even Tina) and accepts us all as we are, yet she will not let the masses of Tinites call out to her for revenge and marijuana and be unheard. Are you a Jock, Discoperson, or Anti-Tinite? Why? Why not sacrifice the Holy Vegetable and be one with Tinites worldwide? Get a snake and fondle it with enjoyment. It will help out not only with the pumpkins, but you will gain the respect of the street people, and maybe you will be able to collect more valuable garbage on your way to X-38, "where people will find their exquisite delight in the abundance of drugs." (The Book of Tina)