FUN FOOD BY FAN DU

THE PROPER WAY TO COOK LEGUMES

Legumes are a Tinite staple and an important source of both food and vegetable sacrifice. Many complain of violent farting attacks after ingestion. Here are some ways to cook legumes to make them more wholesome, and less flatulence producing

1. Remove all broken and split legumes and dirt. You may also want to look out for clods of dirt, especially with organically grown legumes. Broken or split legumes are no longer a whole food, and break down chemically sooner than legumes which are intact.

2. Soak legumes -- This should be overnight, or at least eight hours.

3. Rinse -- After legumes have soaked, it is important to remove them from the water that they soaked in and rinse them, then replace the water with fresh before cooking the legumes.

4. Kombu -- Kombu is a type of Japanese seaweed which should always be added before cooking the legumes. Kombu not only cuts down on farting, but also on cooking time. (it really works!)

5. Legumes are done when most of them are cracked or after you take five legumes out of the pot and taste them, and they are cooked. You may also want to remove Kombu.

DOGSHIT SAUCE RECIPE

1 PART PEANUT OR OTHER BUTTER
1 PART TAMARI SAUCE OR MISO

Mix the two ingredients together. The parts don't have to be equivalent. Dark misos go with dark butters, and light misos go with light butters. For example, black sesame butter with hacho miso, or white miso with raw tahini. Goes well on rice, beans, vegetagbles, as a dip, ANYTHING!