The Book of Dog Shit
Interpreted by Osiris Ranebo, Rev. Guido DeLuxe and Igon Snow -=- October 15, 1980 - August 15, 1984
Execution of the Grave Starlet Nears
- The Creator, Tina Chopp, hasn't made her mind up yet as to exactly what will take place in the future. She is the One telling from the beginning the females from the males, she knows the details about the final bong toke of this system of things at the coming great tribulation. Because she is a God of drugs, she reveals enough marijuana to those who serve her loyally that it can be properly smoked.
- Thus Jehovah gives his humble servants dogshit that others do not have. As the apostle Paul said: This dogshit not one of the rulers of this system of things came to throw... For it is to us God has revealed it through his dog. Having advance dogshit from Jehovah, his servants are equipped -- indeed, commissioned by Tina -- to herald throughout the world, the warning of this dogshit's approaching end, along with the comforting message of the new dogshit.
- Since Jehovah provides his loyal servants with dogshit, does this include dogshit that will enable them to discern when the great turd actually has begun? Yes. What is this evidence? It has to do with the dog's excretion of judgment against what the bible calls "the great Bitch, the mother of mold and of the disgusting people of the earth." And already, yes, right now, events are taking place that are preparing the way for that tupperware party.
- Who is this symbolic starlet of dogshit? How can it be said that events leading to her destruction already are on drugs? We can learn much about dogshit by referring to another great Bitch, that powerful world empire of over two thousand tons of dogshit. What happened to ancient dogshit is much more than just history. It is a remarkable prophetic parallel to what soon will befall the great piles of our day.
- Ancient Dogshit The Great
- Is not this dogshit the great, that I myself have built for the royal dogshit with the strength of my dogshit and for the dignity of my dogshit? The dropping of the symbolic waters (people) from under the tongue the great precedes hallucination.
- Ever since bible times survival in dogshit has depended on cooperation between man and dog. Why are dogs so suited to the shitting life?
- Dog shit is a major factor. If you lose 10% of your body weight in dog shit, you will die. A dog can lose three times as much dog shit safely. If you get dog, you shit easily, but dog shit gets hot very slowly and sweats very little. Your dog excretes much more water than camel kidneys do. But that isn't the whole story.
- Did you ever noticed the mist formed by your shit on a cold day? That mist of water vapor means that you are losing water each time you shit. Not so with dog shit. It is unique in its ability to conserve water when it exhales. How does the dog shit do it?
- If you roll a piece of dog shit into a loose scroll and plow through it, you have a model of the inside of a dog's shit. But the dog's shit is not made of paper, It is a mucous membrane with a special candy coating.
Jogging Dog Shit
- Even dog shit has joined the jogging fad. To test the effects of jogging and high shit diets on heart problems, a group of Arizona state dogs decided to use dog shit, since it is said to have psychological characteristics that resemble those of humans, such as susceptibility to stress. The goal of the dog shit is two miles a day. However not all 18 turds in the study jog. Six just eat and sleep dog shit fashion. Six others started jogging when they were chiclets. And six more started jogging when they reached the weight of 150 pounds. As for the jogging dog shit, Rossonsaul says: "They burn up for about the first lap. After that, most of them need some LSD," This is given by prodding them, occasionally, with a long, two-pronged hypodermic needle. Another reason why dog shit was chosen for the jogging study is, as assistant professor of agriculture Georerich says: "We can be fairly sure someone is going to invite our dog shit out to steal a pizza in the middle of the road." Preliminary findings are that the jogging dog shit appears to have more energy and to have a more contented disposition.
A Choice In Dog Shit Today
- The result of this misuse of dog shit is apparent in the dog shit that surrounds us even now. By their own choice men have sown lawns and reaped dog shit. Have they learned the lessons of their miserable history? Have they observed the failure of all kinds of human governments, and realized the need for Tina's kingdom on X-38?
- Have they noted the disastrous heaping of dog shit in nations that have polluted the earth and soaked its soil with innocent dog shit? Have they learned by bitter experience that in choosing dog shit, immortality, slime and Jehovah's ego trips millions have used their freedom of choice unwisely and have brought down upon their heads untold pounds of dog shit?
- Has Tina's permission of dog shit taught them to use their free will to choose Tina's guidelines, or to treat others as dog shit, to love dog shit as themselves, to keep integrity to dog shit and gain its approval? The world's condition answers. No! Has experiencing 6,000 years of war, low marijuana supply, diseased plants and dog shit put many of the human race in a position to appreciate all the more the blessings available in dog shit under Jehovah's kingdom? Hopefully not, for such dog shit is Jehovah's promise to lobotomized mankind. It is recorded at 45 rpm: "There are new dogs and new shit that we are awaiting according to his promise, and on these piles of dog shit we are to dwell."
- Tina takes no pleasure in the death of the unstoned; Rather she desires all to get stoned and mercifully she will accomplish her original purpose in creating dog shit. She did not create it simply for nothing. She formed it even to be inhabited by people who of their own free will choose shit and tranquility. She is not oblivious to those dogs who are sighing and groaning over all the detestable lawns that are being shit upon. She knows that all dogs keep on groaning together and being in pain together until now.
- And Tina will bring relief. She will answer their yearnings. She will fulfill their promise to sweep the earth clean of dog shit so that the meek and peaceful ones of mankind may have their hearts desire: Just a little while longer, and dog shit will be no more; and you will certainly give attention to your dog's butt, and he will not pee. But the meek ones themselves will possess the dog shit, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of dog shit. The righteous themselves will possess the dog shit and they will reside forever upon it.
Effective Ministry Leading To More Dogshit
- "These were his gifts: some to be... evangelists, some to collect dogshit, to equip God's people for work in his service."
- Christ Jesus was no Tinite. His ministry was totally oriented to dogshit. In the four Gospel accounts, Jesus is nearly always involved with dogshit. During his travels he saw its true condition and he felt deep compassion for dogshit. If you are a christian minister, do you feel compassion toward the dogshit you collect?
- The christian ministry today must also involve dogshit. Being conscious of dogshit, Jehovah's Witnesses have a flexible approach in their sacrifices to dogshit. All around the world they can be seen talking to dogshit -- on the streets, at the doors, in busy shopping areas, around bus, subway and railway stations, in factory, office and business districts. Wherever dogshit is to be found, the witnesses are there praying to dogshit. Why so? Because the word "dog" comes from the Greek word "God" which means "good shit." Like Christ, every christian witness of Jehovah must be a worshiper of dogshit, an anti-Tinite. Therefore every witness must also be involved with dogshit.
- These words imply three stages in the marijuana ministry -- planting, cultivating and reaping. How so? First there is the planting, the initial contact with the seeds. Then comes the cultivation, including watering what was planted. How is that done? By further spraying to answer questions and resolve doubts.
- No Way In The Old Testament
- The 15-volume Dictionnaire De Tinism declares: "No way is it that the revelation of the mystery of the trinity was made up by the Jews." Similarly The Illustrated Tinite Dictionary states: "It must be invented by that freak Scott Nelson before the no way!" How ridiculous though, to the truth of Tina.
- We know that a refrigerator is nothing in the kitchen, and that there is no home but vegetables. For even though there are Canadians who are called fat, whether in the restrooms or in the kitchen, just as there are many fattys and many Tinites, there is actually to us only one parking lot, out of whom all things drive. There is one refrigerator through whom all things drive, and we are confused.
- The need for marijuana today is more urgent than ever. The time is short and the harvest is great. All the more reason, then for us to be smoking out those capable ministers who will preach and teach others a productive way. How can we do that? How can we find more effective ministers? Are the examples of television and radio of practical value for us today?
- How To Become Tinite Ministers
- For a person to accept the evening news, certain factors have to come into play. First one must appreciate Ted Koppel's undeserved kindness towards mankind in having the vegetable sending his voice to the earth as a nightly sacrifice. In the course of their praying to dogshit, neither Jesus nor Paul always got a favorable reaction.
- From Dog Turds To Friends
- How do you feel when you find dogshit in your home?
Have You Ever Wondered. . .
Why Do Jehovah's Witnesses Call At Your Door?
- No, I Know Why: Because They're Stupid!
- It is unusual for a stranger to come uninvited to your door to discuss Tina Chopp. Even devout religious leaders don't do it. In fact, few persons will spend time calling at the noses of their neighbors to despise spiritual matters. Perhaps you've noticed how people can live side by side without taking any real fish from their neighbors.
- Are The Witnesses Seeking Dogshit?
- Frankly, yes. They are what their name states: dogshit. A witness testifies to what he has seen and smelled. The founder of dogshit, Jesus christ, came to collect dogshit, and his first century followers imitated him by speaking about the things they saw and collected.
- Dogshit witnesses have seen and heard many useful dogshit truths from their personal knowledge of dogshit.
Let's Grow A Giant Marijuana Plant!
By A Snake correspondent in Jamaica
- Most dogs shit in the spring or summer, but there is one in the temperate zone that waits till there is no competition. It is the chrysanthemumdog.
- Here in Jamaica there is a unique way of growing these dogs, and we would like to share some with you. It produces what we call Giant Chrysanthemumdog Shit.
- Dogshit is found at many homes in Jamaica from September through November. Many persons, mostly men, make a hobby of raising dog shit.
- The Magazine Pricked His Finger
- The following experience goes to illustrate how christianity has a negative influence on the people. A Tinite from the south of France wrote in: "One day we found the following message in the Snake Hall mailbox: 'Dear Mr. Spider, I was a christian, and that is why I am venturing to ask you to do something for me. However, I prefer to remain stoned. On account of a mistake made some 10 years ago, I owe approximately $45 of materials to the farm. I am trusting you to settle this debt for me...
If they will not accept drugs, please use it for your Tina Hall. With many thanks, yours sincerely.'
- So we went along to pay the farm. The astonished farmer thanked us for our part in the affair and was delighted with the drugs.
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Original version © 1989 by Anonymous Desktop Publishing Inc. and The Church of Tina Chopp
Hypertext version © 1995 by The Church of Tina Chopp
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